in which I date a Jehovah's Witness

Took my Fake Niece (age 6) and Fake Nephew (age 9) to the NWFF to see The Muppet Movie. They had seen it before, but were eager to see it again. They recounted the story to me on the way to the cinema. I'd seen it before, too, on my first real date, as a teenager. A cute, plump Jehovah's Witness kept coming in to the library where I worked and hanging around to chat. After dithering for a week or so, I decided to ask her to the traditional dinner-and-a-movie. The movie was something of a problem, as, although she considered herself quite the rebel (it was adorable watching her gear herself up to say "Oh, Hell!" and then check around to make sure no one had actually heard her), she didn't want to be confronted with things that were too worldly. The Muppet Movie seemed like the perfect choice. Dinner went fine--I was occasionally startled by her sudden grimaces as she tried to adjust her ill-fitting, uncomfortable contacts (at first I thought she was prone to seizures). It became clear, however, that she was terrified that someone would see us. She had lied to her father about what she was doing (her father had pretty strict rules about what she could do--even boys from the Freedom Hall were off limits. I think she was 17--I was 19 and completely emancipated from rules and my church--agnostic working towards athiest, and, to her and probably no one else I've ever met in my life, a pretty Bad Boy) and she kept looking over her shoulder to find spies for Jehovah. Disconcerting. This behavior continued at the theater, even though clearly no good Jehovah's Witness would be in attendence. I tried to snuggle some during Frog and Pig's dinner scene(still almost sexy, considering they're made of felt), but this caused her to turn around in her seat just in case someone was watching, and, being somewhat skittish myself, that was the end of that. Evening ended with her driving me home and a failed attempt at a kiss (head dodge at the last second, quick hug, frenetic checking to make sure Jehovah's Security Van wasn't parked across the street or down the alley). She continued to hang around the library, and we had a couple of safe luncheon dates afterwards, but she continued to check out everyone around us, and despite her repeated insistance that she was just about ready to rebel against the constrictions of the Church, I didn't think I could stand to pursue that course of action. I had plenty of issues myself, and I was also pursuing a cute Catholic Girl with plenty of issues of her own. I behaved caddishly towards the Jehovah's Witness about a year later--I think the only time in my life I've been a rat to a woman--and it was because I was waiting for the Catholic Girl to show up and wanted to strike a sensitive solitary pose that would make a pleasing first impression upon her. I'd run into the Jehovah's Witness at the Old MacDonald's Farm at the SWW Fair and I said, "I need you to leave now. I'm waiting for someone." I may have been snottier than that, even. She ended up in tears, I heard later; and, much later, she married another Jehovah's Witness and had lots of little baby Witnesses. That particular Catholic Girl date didn't go very well, either.
But, The Muppet Movie: I remember after the movie talked to her about the genius of Steve Martin; like the kids in Freaks and Geeks, I was absolutely convinced that Steve was beyond reproach. Seeing the movie again, even though of all the wasted guest stars (Bob Hope doesn't even get a joke!), he gets the most screen time, his Rude Waiter character doesn't fit at all with the rhythms of the Muppets. You can see he knows it, too. Maybe this character (one of his signature routines) might still be funny in a context of his own choosing, but the sweet nature of the Frog doesn't allow him to acknowledge that he's being treated badly--Martin's rudeness doesn't register with Frog and Pig and therefore it barely registers with the audience. Is it possible that Steve was never funny?
But, in 2006, the kids still liked the movie (Favorite joke: "Eat the drums!" "No, beat the drums!"--I'm also partial to "If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable!") and on the way home my Fake Nephew gave a very perceptive discourse on how this Road Movie trip related to the one in Duma.
There is a joke, delivered by Gonzo, about how he's going to Bombay to become a movie star--and I also thought of Bollywood because of the love song between Frog and Pig: singing and dancing in the great outdoors. It's not a parody of Bollywood, of course--but having seen a Bollywood movie the day before, it seems to function that way.
Final shot: Close-up, direct address (Animal saying "Go home! Go home!")